I got beef!!

I got a beef. That's my mommy and me at my military training school graduation. I surprised the hell outta my family by following through with something :) But my beef is with family. Maybe I different from the norm (clearly) but I value family over . . .well, almost everything. I hate the fact that my grandma and my mom aren't getting any younger. My grandma is getting skinny and forgetting things. She recently got a pacemaker and I cried my eyes out (secretly). I don't do well with funerals. My grandma B died, who isn't really blood grandma, and I asked my mom if I could stay home. Do they really care if we look at them in their casket? Its really torture. Like "here I am! You didn't get a chance to say goodbye so stare at me dead!!" I made some excuse and called a friend to come pick me up. I couldn't stay and to this day I'm haunted by that casket. I wish that you have a few never die passes. You could give them to people you really care about and then all your family could live forever!!! And why are funerals the same across the world? The viewing, the bad conversation, the prayers and music and the bad Ora. Can't we start to have carnivals or something. That's what I'm gonna save for, a party for my funeral. People can ride the Ferris wheel or eat cotton candy and have happy conversation. I don't want people dreading walking up to me in that terrible box that's half closed. I'm young at heart so I'm gonna stop that thought and just say everyone I know is living FOREVER!!

Our Daddys

Alright, I got a beef. And even worse it will only be read by complete strangers. Why are most dad's unavailable? Women aren't stronger then men. . .well most of us. If just sucks that we know we must carry on no matter what is around us for our children. Personally my dad left when I was little...like 3. My uncle recently cheated on my aunt--who had been together for like, forever. And now what are their kids supposed to do? They got four girls together ranging from 10 to 28. What the heck!! And of course now hes a dick and can't do much for his kids so mom is stuck with the bill and emotional questions. I read a book called the '5 love languages' and it helped a little. It explains how people show love and understand love in different ways. So you may be showing someone love the only you know how to but they don't see it because their love language is something different. I added a picture of my lil girl and her daddy because its a little weird to me. I don't know how to encourage their relationship but thank God that I don't need to. I can see his love for her on a daily basis. He even covers her eyes already when watching a violent movie lol. For some reason I doubt I had that. Is it because they come from our belly? Because we had them for 9 months before daddy met them? Is it because were just softer then men? Why can men just leave their children like a bad job? Shoot, they care more about their electronics then their kids sometimes. I guess I just wish I had no conscience sometimes too. . . .